Over the past few months, I listened to messages from my pastor about living according to God’s teaching. While I’ve felt the pull, I’ve resisted, knowing I’m on the right track. Then, attended a men’s retreat where I was asked “Do you KNOW Jesus?” My answer to this question shifted my core and now that look back on the lessons that I never took to heart, I have an idea rolling around in my head:
I was still going to Hell, because even though I said I’ve accepted, I’ve never let my heart truly focus on Christ.
I look in Matthew 12 and Luke 13 to see examples of even if we look like the others, actions, or rather, the focus of our heart, will determine our acceptance by Christ.
While “can I lose my Christianity” is a question for theologians, to which I’m not even close, I’m going to think as if I never really accepted Him to begin with. I remember Rice Stadium at 8 or 9 years of age, with my parents and pastors from the church, I remember making decision, and going down to the field, and yet, it’s never shifted my thinking or soul, and how can it when I’m 8? The man I am now started when I was 18.
I’ve had glimpses of blessing since I became an adult, and short times where I had the right focus, so I leads me to believe the Spirit has been working in me. I have initially allowed my heart to focus on the things of God and seen the result. Yet, I steer my heart back to me.
I dare say, many of us are in the same boat. “I’ve covered my bases and now I’ve got fire insurance, so I can keep doing my own thing, and grace covers me.” This thread has been covered by pastor’s messages pretty consistently over the past months. I know I need to do more, but my heart just isn’t in it.
Yet, I had an idea recently going into the retreat, and informed the Spirit of what He had been leading me to anyway: if my heart could look away from me, and see Him long enough, I could see my life in a way that would change my world. And, it worked. I see the man God can let me be, but I’ve let my heart become so comfortable with the me of this world, I fight the focus of my heart pretty consistently.
I’ve put a line in my head of how far I’ll let myself go into this world, when really, I shouldn’t even draw it.
I’ve put a limit on my drinking to avoid getting into trouble, when I shouldn’t even get a glass.
I’ve put a block on my Internet to block the risque, yet, I shouldn’t even be on it.
I’ve accepted some rough music, yet, it should praise Him.
I’ve vowed to not say some things to others, when I shouldn’t even think the thought.
I’ve left the job of priest to my wife, yet, it’s not even her mantle to assume in God plan.
I’ve pointed to my children on where to go, but I haven’t led them.
I’ve avoided having close friends, yet, I need them more now than ever before.
After seeing what God can do in me, the world me looks horrible. A horrible friend, a horrible father, a horrible husband. I know my wife’s seen it, and it disgusts her, yet I’ve never looked in the right direction.
So, what do I do? What to we do?
Pastor’s talked about it’s the fault of the church that has dropped the ball on teaching righteous living, but it’s also a choice of the focus of our hearts. We’ve heard the sermons, we know what we need to do, we just like looking at the world and us in it too much.  We purposely turn our hearts from God to Satan (this world), yet wonder why God lets bad things happen, people get sick, or people die unexpectedly. We think the world is our friend, our comforter. It’s not. It’s anarchy. It’s “every man for himself”. It’s “what’s mine is mine” and “I’ll take what I want.” That’s is pure selfishness, and it has consequences for living in it. For desiring it. Do those things still happen when I follow God? Sure – because this world belongs to Satan. We, thankfully, do NOT.
First, get focused on Him. I use music usually, and I’m alone. I meditate on His goodness, and how I’ve let my heart look the wrong way. It happens daily.
Second, let someone know… that will also see it… and hold you to it. We got to have someone that’s got our backs, that when we are looking in the wrong direction too long, they snap us out. When we’re in a dry season, fast with us. When we’re in a fruitful season, we help them.
Third, tell a pastor. Let them know you “get it”.
It’s a start to the right living… the righteous living. And it’s a constant choice.