As a new chapter in my wife’s family begins, I thought I would take a moment and reflect on what my father-in-law, Courtney Clements, meant to me. I speak better through the keyboard (the whole left-handed, right-brained thing, I’m sure), and it deserves to be heard, as there’s a theme that I think most men can relate to.
I didn’t do things right in the way of my father in law when I proposed to his youngest. I did have some things going for me: I was active in church, I was a geek, loved the space program, and was an Eagle Scout. I think my personal resume, at first, made up for my lack of “old school” etiquette. I still remember my wife telling that her dad raised an eyebrow when she showed them the ring without a man-to-man talk before hand asking his permission, and we had a heart to heart not long after about where I was going and my career path, and he knew that she had a good head on her shoulders, even if the jury was still out on me. In my mind, I sweet talked my way into the family. Early years of marriage were spent getting to know him, seeing his wicked sense of humor, exploring mine with him, and the fact we went to the same church helped a lot. Sunday afternoon lunch was a norm. Two very drastic event happened in these early years that may have well shaped the future of our relationship: his oldest son and daughter both long their spouses from sickness (his daughter-in-law and brother-in-law). It was a trying time as the family latched onto their faith and love for each other and banded together. I dare say that as he weathered storms, my father-in-law stood as a pillar to the family. Looking back, I truly believe these losses softened his heart some, and he and I were able to connect a little deeper spiritually. Also, not lost to me, is the I was also getting more and more favor from my mother-in-law. (I know that had some to do with it.)
I joined him at his office a few times, looking at the large SGI workstations. Seeing him work, even taking a job at SpaceHab onsite at JSC, hearing the legacy he left behind when he took his role in the stowage drafting group. These were rocket scientists, geologists, guys with PhD after their name. They had high respect for a man that never asked for it, but garnered it nonetheless.
As it wasn’t long before we added to the grandchildren list ourselves. I think that was one of his truest joys – being a grandfather. Our kids were a large part of his life. They saw him weekly. They made him laugh a lot more than they made him upset, which wasn’t often.
I think the greatest part of my own relationship was really happened in the last five or so years, along the time he retired. Part of that was the now large amount of time he was spending in front of his infernal computer. Through support calls and software changes, and cd-burning upgrades, then a full blown PC build, I see now that he purposely came to me because I was HIS son-in-law. His own IT guy. I could do just about anything for a man that DID just about everything on his own. I don’t think I ever could thank him enough for allowing me that privilege.
Also, we are good friends, even brother/sister-like with the Coopers, family “adoptees” of Courtney’s family. As life so often does, things change and the Coopers started attending an alternate church. Not much in Sunday lunch, so a new standard was somewhat already in place, but now fully instituted, Monday dinner. The Clements, the Stringers, and the Coopers weekly hangout, that eventually became TGI Fridays as a standard. The night moved here and there, but it was a constant. Even as he retired, went to fixed income, he didn’t miss family dinner night. when someone had an issue with the night, we moved it.
Another staple was family card night that we continued on with on Sundays. Different houses, quite frequently ours, playing the game everyone loved to hate. I adopted Courtney’s card holder system (old check box) and although he had a reputation for being ruthless, I got to see that if he liked you, and you pampered him with either steak or cookies (preferrably in THAT order), he might throw something to complete your straight, either as a discard or “on the floor”. You don’t REALLY know someone until you have a cheat system that doesn’t matter if everyone else knows about. After all, he’s Papa, it’s HIS game, and he could single handedly (no pun intended) stare you into compliance with his wishes.
Dinner, games, grandkids, family and the Lord. Those all fit onto his only hand, and he didn’t need any extra fingers. He stuck out because he was simple-to-understand man in a fast and complex world. He pointed the way to the light in the darkness.
I know that I rubbed off on him sometimes. He rubbed off on me more, I’m sure. As the days continue on, I’m sure that I’ll I be reminded where something came from that I do or say.
A true form of flattery? I want to be just like him… and never grow up.